Crawling in The Dark
by Lady Davia
Summary: Dark Tournament Ends. Unspoken truths are revealed. An argument erupts. Hiei flees to Demon World. Kurama is attacked and left blind/mute. Hiei is forced to protect him. Full Summary inside. Cutting/self-mutilation, Yaoi HieiXKurama KuramaXHiei Slash KXH
1. Hiei's Revelation

_**A/N:**_ So, here's the scoop. I recently got my student loan money, so I bought seasons 1-4 of yu yu hakusho. I watched them. And the movies. YYH is my 2nd fave anime, the first being FMA. Anyways it was even better than I remember it. And the obviousness of the Hiei/Kurama pairing was just as obvious as I remember it. So, re-watching gave me the HUGEST craving to read fanfic on the pair. A week later I've read over 100 fanfics, most of which were sadly oneshots. There's not much GOOD fiction out there on those two, and a lot has been abandoned years ago. Due to this tragedy, and the million and 2 plot-bunnies running rampant in my head, I've decided to begin my own fic. Plus, Yoriana (my muse) has beaten me into submission and if I don't run with her ideas now she may leave me for good. Why waste the creativity while it's here?

_**Disclaimer:**_ Don't own YYH, though I really wish I owned Hiei and Kurama. I also don't own the song title or lyrics for Crawling in The Dark. Hoobastank owns them. I think. Or else they're public domain now. Not sure. All I own are my 4 seasons of YYH that I bought at Best Buy. Don't sue me, cause you'll never find them. –shifty eyes-

_**WARNING:**_ The rating won't be met until much later cause it takes awhile for me to get my stories underway. **Spoilers**. This is **YAOI**. Meaning boy/boy love. Get over it. If you have a problem with homosexuality, now is your chance to leave. Flames will be used to keep me warm, it's 16 degrees out and all I have is an electric heater which doesn't do much for warmth. Also, there will be **language**, **graphic violence**, and _possibly_ **rape** and/or **self-mutilation** in the future though I haven't decided yet. This story will have **PLOT**. So if you're hoping this is a quick get them together and watch them make-out sort of fic, turn back now. I plan on spending the proper amount of time to get them together, and there will be **angst **as well as **fluff**. There will be **obstacles**. And there will be **at least one person close to the pair who is homophobic** and who will cause problems. Guess who if you want. Not to mention there will be problems with Hiei's emotions (seeing as that he believes emotions are a weakness) and Kurama's duty to those he cares for, which includes his ridiculous belief that everyone else's life is more important than his. –rolls eyes at stubborn fox-

**_Summary:_** Kurama and Hiei have been partners for years. When the two first began fighting together they made a pact to always be honest with each other and to always defend each other. Now that the Dark Tournament has ended they must break the silence that, by unspoken agreement, is never mentioned and reveal some unspoken truths that may tear them apart. But without the trust in their bond both are left vulnerable and alone. When a vicious attack leaves Kurama broken, bloody, and alone the ancient fox does the only thing he can do. He crawls out of his home and half-stumbles half-crawls to yusuke's house. Both Blind and mute the fox soon succumbs to the images that play behind his eyes. Gone is the vain arrogant fox spirit of myths and legends. In his place is a broken doll, a man who is as much dead as he is alive. But as news of the great Youko's defeat spreads demons begin to flood the city and Hiei is forced to honor their pact and defend the fragile human body of his partner. As the demons begin closing in Hiei can no longer maintain Kurama's protection alone. While Yusuke defends the city Hiei is forced into contact with the shell of the one he used to trust. He knows that in order to protect Kurama he must warn him of the danger and rouse him from his deathlike stillness. What he doesn't know is that Kurama is even more broken than he imagined, and Youko is a great listener.

'_thoughts'_

_**Chapter One: Hiei's Revelation**_

_Kurama's Bedroom_

_Saturday night, just after the dark tournament_

_(Hiei's POV)_

"Stupid fox." Hiei glared at Kurama's sleeping form with obvious disdain.

It had been a long week, but an even longer day. The tournament was finally over. The party at Genkai's had been the sort of thing that Hiei scorned, and Kurama had sensed the fire demon's discomfort. Naturally they had left shortly after Hiei made sure Yukina was well. It was when they were out in the darkness of the woods that Kurama had begun behaving oddly. The fox had looked over at him before abruptly, although gracefully, sinking to the ground in a cross-legged sitting position. For his part he'd merely blinked, stepping around his partner rather than walking on him.

"Fox?"

"I…need a moment Hiei. I have to think." The red-head muttered as he rested his head in his hands and remained seated on the slightly damp forest grounds.

"Hn."

'_What's Kurama up to? I've never seen him work so hard to remain calm and collected…it usually seems so natural. I wonder…'_

"Kurama, are you injured? Because I have a right to know if there's an extra weakness I need to guard against."

The fox demon looked up, startled out of his thoughts. "Injured? Why on Earth would you… Oh. I suppose I do look a mess, don't I?"

He simply stared, obviously waiting for a better answer.

"I'm uninjured." Kurama sighed. "It's only…We were gone longer than I thought we would be, and I'm sure mother will be upset."

"You're sitting on the wet ground in the middle of the woods, at night, because you're worried about a human?"

"You don't have to stay, you know. I am perfectly capable of defending myself, so you needn't worry about maintaining the advantage our partnership gives you." Kurama replied bitterly. That was unlike him…even to Hiei the fox was usually polite.

"No, you're not." He glared at the presumptuous fox, not sure why he was being attacked when he'd only intended to help.

"Explain." Kurama was giving him a sharp look, and Hiei suddenly realized that now was not the time for this particular argument.

"Forget it, fox. Just hurry up so that I can ensure your survival until you are home."

"No. I want you to explain what you meant. I'm not what, exactly?"

He shifted uncomfortably, so small a movement that most wouldn't notice. But Kurama had been with him for years, and he had no trouble detecting the fire demon's unease.

"Answer me Hiei, or so help me I will end our partnership and fight you myself."

Hiei glared at the fragile human body of his partner. This was why Kurama was so dangerous; he always made the preemptive strike. Kurama knew that he didn't want to fight him, just as he knew that Hiei would never be able to replace him. Where else would the fire demon find a master healer who was _willing_ to heal him? Not to mention also being a fierce warrior, strategist, genius, and thief in his own right. Nowhere. And Hiei knew it. And Kurama knew that Hiei knew. Kurama had won this round, but Hiei wasn't so sure he wanted to win the next.

"Fine, but remember, I tried to end this."

Kurama looked slightly taken aback by that. He had known Hiei would tell him, but he hadn't expected him to look so reluctant.

"I have a lot to say, if you want a true explanation; so do yourself a favor and don't interrupt. If you do, I'll leave you here, partnership or not."

"I understand." Kurama muttered. Hiei's unusual behavior and obvious agitation had him on alert.

"What I meant was that you're **not **perfectly capable of defending yourself. I was right to say your emotions are a weakness. There were several times during the tournament where you nearly lost or died because of them. First was with Roto. You may have won due to your obvious intelligence, but if he had had even a slight amount of spirit awareness your trick wouldn't have worked. You risked a loss, and thus all our lives, because he threatened Shiori with that button. I'm not saying that you should have acted otherwise, but he never should have been allowed to touch you. He knew your emotions make you vulnerable, and he used that to his advantage. Your emotions got in the way with Touya too.

"If you weren't so desperate to prevent him from making your mistakes, to think that he could make his life better than yours, if you weren't so desperate to find hope that it _could_ be better, than you wouldn't have resorted to such drastic measures. Admittedly planting the seed in your bloodstream was sure to win you the battle, but the deathplant? You knew that Yusuke was the only other available fighter, and you knew that you were leaving him with three other opponents. You might have trusted him to be capable of that, but I did not. You could have used one of your less deadly plants to beat Touya. I realize that no matter what you used you wouldn't have been able to fight again, but if you had used something a little less volatile then you would have at least been conscious to exit the ring. If you had even just skipped the emotional conversation with Touya, you still could have left the ring.

"Bakken never had a right to touch you, but your emotions allowed it to happen. If Yusuke and I had attacked, we'd all be dead right now. But you know I would rather have taken them all with me as payment for your death than simply waited around and died in a later match because Yusuke couldn't beat them all. The fact that we had to rest all our lives in the hands of **KUWABARA**, shows just how poor your decision was. If Yukina hadn't shown up…it was pure luck that the foolish human won. Luck, Kurama. Do you realize how much I hate knowing that all our lives continue because of something so meaningless? And **you** could have prevented it, if you had had better control over your emotions." Hiei stopped for breath, and Kurama was amazed to note that the fire demon was actually struggling to control his own emotions.

Even despite his struggle, Hiei couldn't keep the spark of anger from lighting his eyes, and his fists shook slightly as he fought to calm his breathing. For the first time since he had proposed they work together, Kurama was afraid that Hiei might actually attack him. But instead the fire demon regained his stoic composure and plowed on.

"And what of Ura Urashima? He knew of your vulnerability and used telepathy to convince you of his innocence. He used your honor and your sense of guilt to distract you from his net and kept you unaware of his strategy. Again, it was luck that he had the item to bring Youko back. If he had had any other item, you would be dead. Then there was Karasu. I cannot blame you for your emotions regarding that twisted perverted man. But if you had trained your emotions before the tournament ever began, as I suggested, you would have been able to block the disgust and fear he awoke in you.

"You should have known, fox, that I would never allow him to take you away from me. I would never allow him to break you. You are my partner, and you wouldn't be of much use to me broken or dead. You knew I was ready to help Yusuke destroy the stadium when Bakken tried to kill you, so you should have known that I would not allow Karasu to finish his sick game. If you had blocked your fear, his mind games wouldn't have had such a strong effect, and you might have found a way to not only keep your life, but win the match as well. Kurama…" Hiei hesitated.

He wasn't sure how he wanted to say this. He leaned back against a tree, hoping to glimpse his partner's reaction on his face. But Kurama used his hair as a shield, leaving Hiei to plow on into the unknown.

"Kurama, I know you. I know that you are indeed physically capable of protecting yourself. I know that you don't need me, that I am not as much of a convenience to you as you are to me. But I also know that as long as you allow yourself to feel so intensely, to care for others so easily, a time will come when I am not there to protect you and you will allow yourself to lose, to die. What point would that serve? Your death would be meaningless. That would be very inconvenient for me."

He glared off into the trees, unable to tell if the words he had chosen were the rights ones. He wasn't sure if he had gotten his point across, and he was equally unsure if Kurama would choose to attack, to leave and end their partnership, or if the stubborn fox would think about his words, and consider finding a way to control his weakness.

"Hiei…?"

"Hn?"

"Look at me Hiei."

The anger in Kurama's voice was sharp, but controlled. Hiei risked a glance at his face. He was surprised to see as much pain and guilt as there was anger in the kitsune's eyes.

"I…thank you. For being honest with me. I know we agreed on honesty when we decided to fight together, but I never knew…I never realized exactly how often my human emotions put us in danger. How much they upset you."

"They don't upset me, fox." Hiei spat. "It is your refusal to see them as a weakness, and therefore to protect against that weakness, that upsets me. I shouldn't have to pick up your slack because you refuse to heed my warnings."

"I understand."

"Do you, Kurama? Because you don't seem to."

"Hiei, give me time. You have given me much to think about…But I will not agree with you. I admit, I have allowed much to happen that I shouldn't have. But my emotions are just as much an asset as they are a setback. If it were not for my love and my hope, I would never have the strength to go on fighting even when my body is past the point of its endurance. If I did not care so much for my friends, our teammates, I would not spend my energy on healing them. And we never could have made it through the tournament alone.

"I know you do not understand my love for my human mother, but it was the thought of her safety that kept me training as hard as I did, and without the fear of losing her I never would have been able to push my limits as far as I have. It is true that sometimes my fear makes me take risks, but fear, like pain, and love, is one of the greatest strengths a human has. Fear can give a human mother the strength to pull a 2 ton vehicle off of her trapped child. Fear can give me the power to access my demon energy, and the sharpness of mind required to see a flaw in my opponents' strategy. Not that I need it with most opponents, but with Karasu, I did."

"And still, you lost."

"That will change, Hiei. Now that I am aware of how much I give in, I will heed your advice and begin training to control my emotions. I will not banish them as you have. Anger and pride are not the only emotions that can give a fighter an advantage. My emotions are not a weakness, but my inability to control them is."

"Does this mean I can take you home now?" He was annoyed. Emotions were not something he liked to talk about, and he had spoken more tonight than he had during the last week.

"I suppose…Shiori should be asleep, I'll have to think of something to tell her by morning."

"Why not tell her the truth?" he offered up reluctantly. If he ever wanted to rest than he had to get the fox moving.

"…the truth?" Kurama looked at him as if he were as mentally challenged as Roto had been.

"Fox." He growled in warning. Kurama knew better than to treat Hiei as inferior, it only caused them problems.

"I'm sorry, Hiei. Forgive me; I do not understand what you mean." Which was unusual. Kurama was normally very adept at reading Hiei's silences, and reading the meaning in his words.

"That you were taken against your will. I believe humans call it kidnapping. Tell her how you barely escaped with your life."

Kurama looked stunned. He never would have thought of that, but it would work. Shiori would not be disappointed in him, he wouldn't have to lie to her, much, and she knew that he was intelligent enough to get away from a kidnapper, so it could work.

"That just might work…Thank you Hiei." Kurama smiled at him.

"Hn."

Kurama stood, and soon the pair was walking through the trees towards the train station.

* * *

That had been hours ago. Shiori had heard Kurama enter the house, and had run down the stairs throwing herself at her son. Hiei had watched through the window with a smirk as Kurama fought the instinct to attack his mother. After having spent such a long time battling for their lives, having the woman run at him and throw her arms around his neck made his instinct to defend that much stronger. But Kurama knew Shiori wasn't attacking, and Hiei could pinpoint the exact moment that the fox beat down his instincts. He grew bored as he listened to Kurama explain how he had been kidnapped, but his attention snapped back to the pair as Kurama said something unexpected.

"…and once I realized he intended to take my virtue by force, I was angry enough to focus. I am not ashamed of looking feminine, and I chose the person I shall give myself to long ago. It was all a matter of waiting for the right moment then, and I escaped shortly after."

"…Shuichi…is it true? Did he really try to rape you?" Tears shone in the human's eyes, and he simply waited for Kurama's reply. He knew the fox wouldn't mention something this upsetting to his mother if it was a lie, yet he had heard nothing of attempted rape.

'_Could the fox have hidden something like that from me? Did Karasu try something between rounds when I was by the cliffs?'_

"Yes, mother. But he has been taken care of by the proper authorities, and I know I look a mess but I'm not badly injured. I'll be fine in a day or two."

Shiori had cried a great deal, and she had held her son during the telling, finally asking if Kurama needed to see a…something. It began with a p. Hiei wasn't sure what it was, but when Kurama's face paled dramatically he became…alert. If what he sensed was correct, the fox was scared. Kurama rarely got scared though, so perhaps he should be wearier of the humans than he had been…

As he listened to Kurama adamantly refuse to see the Psy…something, he noticed that Kurama's reaction was as startling to Shiori as it was to him. That ruled out torture as one of the Psy's specialties. A hard look appeared in the woman's eyes, but she let it drop and sent Kurama to bed, mentioning that she had a great deal of phone calls to make.

* * *

So, how was it? Short I know but I had the idea and had to test-drive it. I have many may more ideas so arranging them into one story might not work, in which case i might have to write two. not sure if i'd do it at the same time or not. feel free to review, I appreciate each and every one, and they give me an incestive to keep writing, so new chappies come out faster. and I'll try to answer any questions anyone has. Also, following are the lyrics that inspired this fic. I strongly suggest listening to the song while reading the lyrics. Cause it fits both Hiei and Kurama rather well, at least the versions I will write here.

Thanks,

Davia

**"Crawling In The Dark"**

I will dedicate  
And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth  
Of how my story's ending  
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take  
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing  
Show me what it's for  
Make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Is there something more than what i've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Help me carry on  
Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes  
To navigate the darkness  
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?  
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?  
Show me what it's for  
Make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Is there something more than what i've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
So when and how will I know?  
How much further do I have to go?  
How much longer until I finally know?  
Because I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me  
In front of me  
Show me what it's for  
Make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Is there something more than what i've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer!

lyrics by hoobastank


	2. Kurama's Revelation

_**Chapter Two: Kurama's Revelation**_

_(Kurama's POV)_

When Kurama entered his room he sensed Hiei's presence immediately. He locked the door behind him before unlocking and opening the window opposite the tree outside. When he was sure that Hiei knew it was open he moved to sit on his bed. He always left that window unlocked; Shiori must have locked it in his absence.

"What is it, Hiei?"

"What's a psy…whatever it was. And why do you fear it?" He would mention the attempted rape another night, for he knew now was not the time.

"A psychiatrist is a human doctor, one who heals the mind. You sit with them for an hour each day that you have an appointment and tell them all about your life, the people in it, and your feelings about everything. They are even allowed to use hypnosis and past-life regression to force you to tell them about your past. When hypnotized you have no choice in what you say, your mental defenses are down and you answer them as if it were a normal conversation with someone you trust.

"I am afraid of it because mother would have a right to send me to one, and there is much of my life that I can't mention. If one of them ever found out about Youko, I would be deemed insane and put in an institution. I would be able to break out without a problem, except that there are laws against demons harming humans, or even revealing our power to them. Because of those laws I would be forced to stay, and an insane asylum is a very terrible place to be." Kurama shuddered and Hiei wondered why he'd never heard of this before.

"Why…why are you only mentioning this now, fox?"

"I never thought it important. Mother has never had a reason to seek help for me before…I have always been careful around her, even when Youko was still teaching me things." He almost blushed as he said that, but despite the heat in his face he managed to avoid any tint of pink in his cheeks. Wisely Hiei kept his promise and stayed out of his partner's mind.

"And this psychiatrist can force you to talk about Youko? About his life?"

"Yes. And seeing as that Youko stole from, tortured, murdered, and enslaved many demons, which most humans don't believe in, I would be considered to have several illnesses of the mind. Aside from that there is everything I've done since I met you that I need to keep secret as well…"

"Hn. It's not my fault that you have so many secrets, you chose to be my partner."

"Well, it was essentially that or death. After all, even then I knew you well enough to know that you would kill me for learning as much as I had about you."

_(Hiei's POV)_

"How _did_ you find out about my quest to find Yukina? You never told me that."

"You may be a telepath Hiei, but I am a fox spirit, and like most animal spirits I have the gift of empathy. Where you can read people's thoughts, I can sometimes sense their emotions." Hiei tensed, ready to strike his partner down for keeping such a secret from him despite their pact of honesty, and for having such an obvious advantage over the smaller demon.

But before he could react, Kurama continued speaking, as if he _hadn't_ felt Hiei's energy flare in sudden rage. And perhaps he hadn't. The fox seemed to be deep in thought as he spoke, as if trying to decide how much revealing this would cost him. Kurama had clearly decided that Hiei's earlier answer deserved one in kind, and so Hiei tensed, not sure if he was ready to know the truth that, by unspoken agreement, was never mentioned.

"Don't get me wrong, it is not a voluntary decision I make. If I am near to someone who is feeling a particularly strong emotion and I have a very strong desire to understand them, my instincts will sometimes kick in and give me a sense of the person, of what they're feeling at that time." The fox paused, unsure of whether or not to actually answer his question. He glanced up, and Hiei let his glare make the decision for him. There was no way the older demon would be permitted to stop now.

"The day that I first met you was an accident. My human body was only ten years old. I felt your aura approaching and recognized it for what it was; demonic. Youko was thrilled to sense another's aura again, and as one we turned to face you. You were being chased. I stumbled and fell as you flew by faster than I could see. You had fled so quickly I had not even glimpsed your face. Still, I had gotten a strong sense of panic, a feeling of complete and utter loneliness that brought tears to my eyes, a feeling that you longed for something with a desperation that shook my soul, and that you were searching for it and were willing to die to find it, but not before. You were the first demon I had ever sensed.

"I was desperate to know who you were, what you were searching for, and what you were fleeing from. It was in that moment that I decided to help you. So I followed you. My Youko side was trembling with both the anticipation of finally meeting another demon, and the fear of being killed. We knew that whatever you were fleeing from could kill us, just as we knew **you** could, if you so chose. And just as easily we knew that our ten year old body could do nothing to stop you. Youko had barely begun training me, and believe me, after that day he taught me everything he knew." Kurama paused here, watching his reaction carefully. He merely glared at the fox, willing him to continue.

"I used Youko's keen tracking ability to follow you, but I was soon lost. I wondered around for hours, unsure of where to go. I knew I could always seek out a human adult that was trustworthy and ask for help, but my demon side was too proud for that, and I was to intent on finding the one who could prove to me that I wasn't crazy, that demons were real and that Youko wasn't just a figment of my mind. As the sun sank beneath the horizon, I felt your energy flare, then die down rather abruptly. Like a needle on a compass it told me where to go.

"I didn't have far too run, and arrived just in time to see you collapse, as your pursuer burned to ashes. I knew what to do; Youko had trained me extensively in the art of healing and growing plants. It was fighting that I knew little about. I had been taught martial arts, physical ways to defend and attack, but when I had first sensed you I had known that martial arts would not help me. So I set about growing the seeds and harvesting the leaves and other helpful parts of my healing plants. Soon I was rubbing restorative all over the cuts and bruises on your bare chest and arms, and when I moved your only tear-gem out of the way, you murmured the name Yukina. The tone of your voice when you spoke left me little doubt that she was the one you were searching for."

Kurama took another deep breath, and Hiei remained standing tense and confused by the window. He was ready to leap out, should he feel the need to, but discovering the way in which Kurama had forcibly involved himself in the fire demon's life left him shocked and speechless. He had known that the fox had chosen to be his partner; after all, their partnership had been the fox's idea. It was what had saved him from death at the end of Hiei's sword. But to realize exactly when Kurama had made the choice, to know exactly how long the fox had planned their alliance, it was shocking.

"Hiei?"

The fire demon glanced up to see the fox watching him intently, calculating eyes searching his face for any sign of the thoughts he hid behind his mask.

"You misled me fox." He wasn't sure what to feel at this point, so he chose the most familiar emotion. Anger.

And he could easily see Kurama's reaction to it. The fox leaned back on his bed, one hand sinking into the mattress, not for comfort, but to be used to launch himself into a new position if necessary. His long-time partner's eyes glinted, and Hiei knew that the fox's mind was working at warp-speed in an attempt to find a way out.

"At least it makes sense now." He watched with an amused smirk as Kurama's façade slipped and his eyes widened briefly in surprise.

"Hiei, I…it was not intentional."

"Spare me the half-truths fox, nothing with you is unintentional, not completely." He spat, anger still simmering beneath the surface.

"That may be true, but I swear to you that I never meant any harm. As I got older and learned what it meant that I could sense such things I also learned what triggered it. In all the years we have worked together I have not once used this ability, not even on my opponents. That is why I didn't tell you, I did not wish for you to think I had an advantage, whether it be over you or over our enemies. Sometimes it's better not to know what others are feeling."

Even as he watched Kurama's eyes darkened and he shivered in disgust, a reaction Hiei would normally expect the fox to hide. Yet Kurama didn't even seem to notice his odd behavior, and Hiei wondered what else his partner hadn't told him.

"Hn." He wasn't sure what to say, to think.

'_Kurama wouldn't lie, not to me…not outright anyway. But if he could __**forget**__ to tell me something so important, what else has he left out over the years? I do not recall meeting Kurama on that day, but I do remember it well. I was surprised when I awoke on the forest floor with no injuries. Even leftover injuries and aches from the year before were gone. That makes sense now, but…how many times did that happen? _

'_How many times did I draw my opponent to human world so that I could lose them in unfamiliar territory, only to exhaust myself and wake up healed? It must have been two dozen times. All before I met Kurama, and before I got the Jagon. He must have kept his senses open for me, biding his time as he always does, yet without my eye I am not so surprised that I didn't sense him. I did have bigger problems to focus on after all. But I did not meet him until his human_ _body was 14. I had sensed a strong aura and followed it to his house. I wondered why a demon stronger than myself would be in human world.'_

"Kurama, the day that I met you…what was that strong aura caused by? If you knew of me before then, why did I only sense your presence on **that **day?"

"It may come as a surprise to you Hiei, but Youko and Shuichi did not fuse into one being until that day. What you sensed was Youko coming into complete control of this body, then surrendering it completely and breaking down all the barriers between himself and Shuichi Minamino.

"He had taught the human soul everything he could, and wanted one last moment of freedom as himself before giving in and allowing the two souls to merge. It was the day I was born, really. I have memories of both Youko's and Shuichi's before that day, though Youko was definitely more in control than Shuichi ever was. Still, the two souls had already begun overlapping and I was already in heart and mind the same as I am now. Now I am simply Kurama, a human body with a demon soul, and a heart that is both."

"Ch. You are far too romantic Kurama."

"Perhaps I am…" his partner looked to the floor as he sighed regretfully, and Hiei understood that this was not something the fox had ever told anyone before. Tonight was just full of surprises.

He flitted out the window and away, gone before the fox could even think of following him.

He needed time to think, to decide what to do next. Clearly things were going to be different now. The tournament was over and they'd all gotten stronger, but his sentence was not yet over, and he was still trapped in human world. If he ever wanted to go home again, he'd have to continue working with Yusuke, and really, that wasn't so bad, though he'd never tell the detective that.

Still, working with the detective meant continuing to work with Kurama, and he wasn't sure he could trust the fox demon anymore. Kurama had admitted, in his own way, that he'd been manipulating Hiei since he was 10. Just the fact that it was true set Hiei's skin to crawling, and the fact that he'd never even suspected it made him angry at not only Kurama, but himself as well.

But then, if he really thought about the reasons for his anger, as Kurama had been trying to get him to do since they met, it wasn't that simple. He was angry because Kurama's manipulations meant that the fox had an advantage over him, knowledge that could be used against him to…to what, exactly?

That was the problem. Sure, the fox had an advantage. But didn't he always? And what did he really think his partner was going to do, exactly? If Kurama had manipulated their meeting in order to harm him, then wouldn't he have done it by now? And why had Kurama healed him, all those years ago, when he could have just as easily killed the unconscious fire demon?

Knowing that Kurama had planned to be his partner for four years before he even met the fox was... strange. Like an itch that you can't reach. He knew the fox was planning something, why else had he bothered telling him, after all this time? But then, Kurama had looked so…on edge. Like he'd expected Hiei to attack, to aim for the kill. If he expected that type of response, why bother?

Hiei groaned. He was thinking in circles now. It all came down to one question, really. Why had Kurama been so open and easy to read this evening? First in the woods, then in his bedroom. And why the confessions? They had talked about topics they had both considered taboo, and neither of them had held anything back.

They'd always been honest with each other, but they held things back, spoke no lies, but never revealed all truths. It was the way of demons. You could never reveal too much, less your enemies find a weakness and strike you down. But they weren't enemies and tonight Kurama had seemed both more human and more animal than he'd ever seen the fox before. It had him worried.

Resigned to a night of no sleep, Hiei flitted back to the forest around the temple, to watch over Yukina. She was so much simpler that his red-headed partner. Really, he supposed it wasn't all that bad. Kurama had agreed to train his emotional control, and had explained how he had come to know of the fire demon's search for his sister.

Sure, the fox had misled him, but was that really a reason to end their partnership? Did the disadvantage he had with Kurama overrule the advantage that being Kurama's partner had given him over other demons? It was much to think about, but he knew he'd have to confront Kurama again soon.

* * *

_(Kurama's POV)_

"Ch. You are far too romantic Kurama." Hiei's biting tone made him hide a wince, he'd never told anyone of his origin in Shuichi and Youko, and though he was loathe to admit it, it hurt to know that Hiei scorned the truth he had spoken, the truth that had come from his very core, hidden behind many walls of mental defense.

"Perhaps I am…" he looked to the floor as he sighed regretfully, wishing he had kept his thoughts on his current state of being to himself.

When he looked up to apologize, Hiei was gone. It was no surprise, really. He doubted Hiei would want to stick around after his emotional tirade. Really, he was more surprised that the fire demon hadn't attacked him for keeping the truth from him for so long.

But how could he have explained to Hiei that from the moment his empathy kicked in, he had felt exactly what Hiei had? That he had longed for someone with the same desperation, had choked on the same panic? That he had felt within himself the same resolve to survive no matter the cost?

How could he tell the fire demon that his human heart had ached for him; that he had wanted nothing more than to help him find the person he longed for so desperately? That Youko had loved Shuichi, and so had taken it upon himself to protect the young fire demon for his little humans' sake?

His little human, his child, his kit. That was how Youko had thought of Shuichi back then. And how could he expect Hiei to understand that? Of course he had kept it secret, the fire demon considered emotions to be a weakness, he could never truly understand the concept of empathy. No one who hadn't experienced it could truly understand it.

So how would he react to knowing that Youko himself was capable of love, and that he had kept his empathy and involvement in Hiei's earlier life a secret in order to protect the younger demon's pride? How could he explain to his partner that he wasn't being manipulative, that he was only trying to prevent Hiei from ever feeling such loneliness again?

And truly, how could he explain to Hiei that his empathy was something he avoided at all costs? He didn't want to explain why he had never mentioned it, because he didn't want to explain Youko's nightmares, and he definitely didn't want to explain how his instincts had forced his empathy upon him three times, and that he still hadn't figured out how to completely prevent it from happening.

Sure, he knew if he didn't think too much about his opponent's life before the fight he had nothing to worry about. But sometimes one couldn't help but wonder what made a person the way they are, and when he was focusing intently, as he would be in a fight, and the desire to understand his opponent became stronger than his desire to keep himself in check, then he was lost. He just didn't know how to control the desire to understand someone. It came with being an animal spirit, he supposed, but it was troublesome.

After all, it was as he told Hiei. Sometimes it was better not to know, not to **feel**, what another was feeling. He shuddered at the thought, and before he could do more than jerk off the bed he was vomiting violently and trembling like a leaf in the wind. He stumbled to the restroom and vomited several times before rinsing his face with shaky hands.

'_I won't think about that, I won't think about that, I won't! I won't think about it, I refuse to think about it, there's nothing to think about, nothing happened, I won't think about it...'_

The thoughts danced on, a mantra in his head to ward off memories of feelings that weren't his. He continued to shiver, and as the moon rose higher in the sky he succumbed to his exhaustion and fell into a restless feverish sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so It took me ages to update, gomenasai! I had the first half written but I got stuck, and I stayed that way until yesterday. No idea when I'll have the next chapter as school is starting again, but I do promise to try and work on it. I have so very many ideas for this story, but I think I've separated my plot bunnies into 2 or 3 stories, and I have a basic idea of where I'm going with this. I'm one of those annoying writers that makes it up as I go, I know exactly what I want to happen, it's getting there that's my problem. Read and review please! reviews inspire me, and I could use some inspiration!

~~Davia~~


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